Bakugo Can't Feel
by clockless night
Summary: In which Bakugo feels things he can't explain and seeks help. Of course, a bit of chaos ensues.


Katsuki Bakugo was undoubtedly a winner. He had the heart of a champion and had victory running through his veins. When he did anything, whether it was studying or training or even sleeping, he did it full-force, 100%, because he wouldn't accept anything other than _perfection._ Bakugo was confident in his assumption that he was proficient in everything, because he was never met with failure. And yet, one day, Bakugo lost. Or at least, he considered it to be one.

It happened after school, in the golden, sunbathed hours of dusk. Bakugo was sitting against the headboard of his bed while Kirishima lay down next to him on his stomach, scribbling away at his homework. Bakugo had completed his own work half an hour ago, and was content to simply sit in silence as Kirishima whittled away at his. This had been their tradition since the mid-term tests; after-school work sessions where Kirishima asked him for help, and Bakugo grudgingly obliged. Not that he really minded.

"Yo, Bakugo," Kirishima drawled, rolling over to face him. The calm lightning made the usually sharp slopes and angles of his face look soft and warm. "What's the word that describes over-exaggeration again? You know the one, the hyperbleh? Or something?"

"Close, fuck nut, it's _hyperbole,"_ Bakugo grunted. This was normal, Kirishima getting something wrong in the strangest of ways, while Bakugo corrected him harshly, but effectively. Completely and totally normal. And then, it happened. Kirishima gave him a big, glowing smile. His pointed teeth gleamed and his crimson eyes were filled with admiration.

"Thanks dude! You always know this crap," he said, still beaming. Bakugo didn't know what was happening. Kirishima always gave him those bright, happy smiles. Of course, they had always made his stomach feel odd, like little explosions were being ignited in his gut, but it had never been this intense. His skin felt hot, his breath was hitched and his heart was beating so fast he thought it would run from his ribcage. What the _fuck?_

"What the _fuck?_ " Bakugo squawked aloud. Kirishima smile turned slightly confused.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Shut up." He needed to calm down, now. This was weird. Kirishima just smiled at him again. The fucker needed to _stop_. Thankfully, he turned back to his homework, muttering about how English was the language of cowards. Bakugo felt unsettled. He didn't quite understand what had just happened to him. He shook it off. It was probably just a one-time thing.

It wasn't a one-time thing. Not even close. The next freaky spasm he experienced occurred after hero training. The boys were in the locker room and were changing back into their uniforms. Bakugo, ever the quick changer, was ready to depart when he heard Kirishima's low and friendly voice call his name.

"Huh?" He growled as he spun to face him. What a mistake. Obviously, he had seen Kirishima without a shirt before. In fact, he had seen Kirishima without a shirt so many goddamned times that at one point, he had to start insisting that he put a shirt _on._ He just hadn't noticed the way his abs fucking glowed after a workout, or how tempting it was to touch them. He wondered if they would feel wonderfully textured or lovely and smooth. At any rate, it happened again. He felt like tongues of flame were caressing his skin, like all the oxygen had been knocked out of his lungs and like his heart was going to explode.

"I said wait for me!" Kirishima replied good-naturedly. He was apparently oblivious to Bakugo's internal struggle.

"No way! Fuck off, you obnoxious piece of shit," Bakugo snarled, flustered by his raging impulses. He kicked the change room door open and stormed out. Why did shirtless Kirishima fuck him up? His fucking costume was fucking shirtless, for fuck's sake. _Fuck!_ A tendril of unease wormed its way into his heart. This couldn't be good.

Again and again, the feeling arose and strangled Bakugo like a toxic gas. The worst part was that he had no inkling of what it could possibly be. It struck when he saw Kirishima in the morning, waiting for him outside his dorm room, his hair scraggly from sleep. It happened when he instantly grinned at Bakugo when All Might told the class to pair up in hero class. It wasn't an _awful_ feeling, persay. But it was alien and new, and it scared him. It made Bakugo feel like an idiot.

Granted, Bakugo had never been the most emotionally intelligent. He knew this. But it had never bothered him, never felt like such a _loss_ before. Bakugo could identify _some_ emotions, of course. He knew satisfaction, characterized by the swell in his heart and the adrenaline coursing through his systems. He knew amusement, a calm, whimsical feeling that made him feel light. He knew rage, knew it like the back of his hand. Rage was his constant companion. It made his body hot, his breath uncontrollable and set his heart ablaze with flames of wrath.

Was what he was feeling rage? No, he thought decidedly, it couldn't be rage. But it was pretty fucking close. It was softer, and yet more passionate than anger. It definitely showed the same symptoms, and yet Bakugo could tell they were not the same. He just couldn't understand what the fucking feeling was, and it was driving him _mad._

How could he find out what he was feeling? He clearly didn't have the necessary information to figure it out by himself. So that meant… asking others. Oh, _fuck_. Who could he ask?

Kirishima? No way, not him. Kirishima was great with emotions, claiming there was 'nothing more manly than facing how you feel!' but the fucking sensation always came about while Bakugo was with him, so he felt uncomfortable talking to him about it. Kirishima might feel guilty, and Bakugo couldn't bear to see his sad, self-deprecating frown. Who else did Bakugo know? Deku?

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Bakugo angrily banished it. Like hell he'd ever ask motherfucking _Deku_ for any goddamned help. Hell no. But he needed to ask someone, or he wouldn't be able to pinpoint the feeling, and if he didn't know what it was then his had no way of getting rid of it. Who to ask? _Think, Katsuki, think!_ Finally, it hit him. Left with no other choice, he'd ask the idiot.

* * *

The person who Bakugo felt the most comfortable talking to in his class (aside from Kirishima, but that was a given) was Kaminari. The blonde had rubbed him the wrong way for about a third of the year before somehow sneaking his way into Bakugo's normal routine. He grew on Bakugo the way mold grew on bread that was left in the sun. Kaminari was dumb, but somehow he was generally well liked and had a happy disposition. He had surely experienced whatever Bakugo was feeling. At least, Bakugo hoped he had. Otherwise, he would be confessing his weakness to the stupidest kid in the class. Unfortunately, he would have to take that risk.

Bakugo decided that he would ask Kaminari during lunchtime. After school, he helped Kirishima with his homework, and he was unwilling to give that time up. During lunch, Bakugo generally ate with Kaminari and Kirishima, and was frequently joined by Ashido and Sero. They were all fucking annoying, but they were fun to yell at, and Bakugo felt at ease around them. Well, as at ease he _could_ feel around others.

At last, after an incredibly boring English class with Present Mic, lunch arrived. Kirishima and Kaminari grinned at each other and turned to Bakugo.

"Lunch-Rush is trying a new menu item today and it's gonna be super yummy! We have to go now!" insisted Kaminari excitedly, Kirishima nodding vigorously.

"Oho, you heard about that too?" asked Ashido, joining the three, Sero by her side.

"I've heard he's going to make a fancy French dish!" Sero contributed.

"No, he's making Italian food," argued Kaminari.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure Sero's right," Kirishima said thoughtfully. Sero smirked at Kaminari, emboldened by the support.

"Classic Kami, getting it wrong. I would have trusted you about _food_ though," he taunted.

Kaminari puffed up, ready to fight. Ashido grinned and said something snarky to fan the flames of the impending war. Bakugo rolled his eyes. He didn't have time for his friends' immature bullshit.

"You brain-dead fucktards, at this rate Lunch-Rush is going to be all sold out," Bakugo growled.

The group was quiet for a moment. Then Kirishima yelped: "We have to move!" He grabbed Bakugo's hand and began to run to the lunchroom, the rest of the group following behind. The moment Kirishima's hand touched his own, the feeling possessed his body. It was awfully hard to run while all he could focus on was Kirishima. Bakugo's feeling of urgency heightened. He _had_ to talk to Kaminari.

Thankfully, there was enough of the new item on the menu for the five heroes-in-training. Bakugo noted that it was in fact an Italian pasta dish. Kaminari noticed too and was gloating to Sero and Kirishima while they ate the pasta in silent defeat. Bakugo decided that the time to strike was now.

"Kaminari, we need to talk." The statement left no room for argument. The electric-quirk user blinked at Bakugo, mid pasta-slurp.

"Hmphg?" he mumbled through a mouth full of pasta.

"Close your mouth, that's fucking disgusting. Also stand up and bring your fucking food," Bakugo said with an air of finality and began walking out of the lunchroom. Kaminari barely had time to send his friends a bewildered and mildly frightened stare before racing after Bakugo.

"This is so weird," breathed Ashido. "Normally the only person Bakugo would ever eat with alone is Kirishima."

"Too weird," echoed Sero. His eyes widened. "You don't think he's… confessing?"

"C'mon guys, what they're talking about is none of our business," Kirishima laughed nervously. The thought of Bakugo liking a person romantically gave him a nauseous, sinking feeling. Envy was such an unmanly emotion. He wished he could get rid of it.

Sero and Ashido exchanged a knowing look over Kirishima's head. They decided to drop the subject. "So anyhow, how about this pasta?" Ashido chirped.

"So, uh… Bakugo. What's up?" Kaminari asked. The two were standing in an empty classroom, Bakugo by the blackboard at the front while Kaminari stood by the door. It had been a long time since he had felt uncomfortable around Bakugo, but the old symptoms were starting to appear. He loved his grumpy friend, but sometimes, he could be so damn unpredictable and kind of scary.

Bakugo stared at him silently for a minute. He occasionally opened his mouth as if to speak, but immediately closed it afterwards. He was starting to really freak Kaminari out. "Uh… you ok, bro?" he wondered tentatively.

"I'm fine," Bakugo snapped. He paused, and collected himself. "I'm sorry," Bakugo apologized. Kaminari went pale with fright. Bakugo _never_ apologized. "I need your help." Kaminari gaped at him. This situation was getting weirder and weirder. "Lately I've been feeling these… feelings."

"Ok. So uh, want to elaborate?" Kaminari pressed. He wondered in the back of his mind if he was dreaming. This didn't feel real.

"I get hot and scratchy all over my body when K-someone is near me. Like, my heart starts to beat really fucking fast and I almost can't breathe. I thought it might be anger but it doesn't feel like that. It's… deeper almost," Bakugo admitted.

"Dude, do you need to see Recovery Girl?" panicked Kaminari.

"No! It's just that I'm feeling things! And I don't know what they mean, and they're freaking me the fuck out!" He lowered his head. Bakugo sounded aggressive, but vulnerable. It was unlike anything Kaminari had ever heard before. He felt kind of touched that Bakugo decided to confide in him. Kaminari resolved to help him as much as he could.

"Ok, so you feel hot, heart-beaty and you choke when this person is around, right?" Bakugo nodded in affirmation, dipping his head even lower. Kaminari hummed thoughtfully. All of those symptoms aligned very well with what he felt when he had a burning crush. But no, that couldn't be what Bakugo was feeling! Bakugo didn't have _crushes!_ He considered them beneath him. So what could it possibly be? And then, like a bolt of lightning, it struck him.

"I think I know your problem," Kaminari began. Bakugo looked up at him excitedly. "You really hate this person!" Bakugo stared at him blankly as he continued. "I'm talking a real, passionate hatred. You fucking despise this person! Hell, you wouldn't mind seeing this person writhing in a pool of his or her own blood! Am I right?" Kaminari wiggled his eyebrows. He felt proud of himself. Bakugo was a very complex individual who felt emotions very weirdly. That meant that all of his symptoms must mean the opposite of what they indicated! Kaminari was a _genius._

Bakugo wrinkled his nose. What he was feeling was _hatred?_ That couldn't be. Kirishima made Bakugo feel alive in a way no other person had been ever able to do. His bright smiles lit up his day and his voice was music to his ears. Bakugo definitely did _not_ hate Kirishima. "Are you sure that what I'm feeling is hatred?" he asked Kaminari skeptically.

"One hundred percent certain," replied Kaminari. Bakugo internally sighed. What he was feeling was not hatred and apparently, Kaminari was convinced that it was. Bakugo supposed he was getting what he paid for. Teach him to ask the dumbest guy in the class an important question.

"You're totally useless, you drooling shithead. But thanks anyway. I guess." Bakugo pushed past him and exited the classroom. Kaminari lingered a little longer, too deeply confused to do much else. What had just _happened?_

* * *

The rest of the day trudged past at a snail's pace. Normally, Bakugo made sure to pay attention in class but he just could not manage it that day. His mind was preoccupied with other more pressing matters. If Kaminari was a non-starter, whom else could he ask? He briefly considered Round Face. She was attentive, for sure, but something told him that she wasn't very good at identifying feelings either. She was also annoying as fuck.

An idea bloomed in Bakugo's mind. Uraraka couldn't help him, but certainly other girls could! Girls were supposed to be good with that kind of shit, or whatever. Honestly, he didn't really believe in that concept (his mother was technically a woman but she was a fucking _monster_ ), but he was growing more and more desperate. He quickly debated his options. The girl in the class who Bakugo trusted the most was Ashido. He resolved to ask her after school.

The moment the final bell rang, Bakugo made a beeline for Ashido, who was chatting with the invisible one. He was intercepted by Kirishima. "Yo, Bakugo, PLEASE help me with the English homework again. I don't understand the litererary devices!" Kirishima begged.

"It's _literary devices_ , Shitty Hair."

"That's what I said!"

Bakugo supposed Ashido could wait. He couldn't say no to those sparkling red eyes. "Whatever, I guess I'll help your sorry ass."

"…And I was telling him, 'Dude, Aizawa-sensei is going to kill you!' But he went and stuffed his sleeping bag with whipped cream anyways," Kirishima laughed. The pair had long finished their homework and had contented themselves with talking. Well, Kirishima was talking. Bakugo was mostly half-listening and casually observing his friend. He enjoyed the way Kirishima's eyes lit like bonfires when he spoke, and the warmth of his thigh near his.

"Bakugo? Baaaaaaaaakugo?" Kirishima called out dramatically. Said boy snapped out of his reverie.

"What?"

"You've been kind of spacy. What's up?" Kirishima asked good-naturedly. Bakugo couldn't very well tell him that he had been checking him out.

"I was thinking about something." Bakugo didn't mean for it to come out harshly, but force of habit had made it sound curt anyway. Thankfully, Kirishima brushed it off.

"Oh hey! I wanted to ask you something," Kirishima smiled. Bakugo raised an ash-blonde eyebrow. "What did you talk about with Kaminari at lunch today?" He hoped his casual tone hid his mounting anxiety. He wanted the answer, but if the answer was what he dreaded it was then he wouldn't know what to do.

"Nothing much," Bakugo shrugged. He hadn't explicitly stated that he didn't want to elaborate, but Kirishma got the message.

"Ah, ok, if it's private I totally get it," Kirishima reassured. A desolate wave of melancholy threatened to wash over him. He was being unfair, and he knew it. Bakugo was entitled to privacy and having crushes, and if Bakugo did not want to confide in him then there was nothing Kirishima could do about it.

The rest of the evening carried on, Kirishima chatting away like usual, but Bakugo noted a foreign stiffness to his smile. It made his heart ache in a way entirely different from the other unknown feeling.

The next day, Bakugo was determined to talk to Ashido. However, it was surprisingly difficult to corner her. Whenever he tried to approach her, Bakugo found that she had the infuriating tendency to surround herself with other girls. Bakugo couldn't very well have those giggly bubble-headed fucknuts get in the way of his interrogation.

Finally, after school ended and the evening settled into a cozy lull, Bakugo caught her. He spotted her alone in the kitchen, standing in front of the fridges and rifling through its contents. Fucking pig. "We just had dinner. Can you go a second without eating?" Bakugo growled, causing Ashido to jump guiltily.

"Bakugo! I didn't see you there!" she laughed nervously. "I was just getting some water."

"We don't keep water in the fridge."

"Right. So, what are you doing here?" she changed the subject hastily.

"I need to talk to you. It's important."

Immediately, Ashido's attention was caught. Could this be what Bakugo had talked to Kaminari about? "I'm all ears," she assured cheerfully.

"Lately I've been feeling… something around someone." He glared at her. "Any ideas?"

"Honey, you're going to have to tell me a _little_ more than that."

"You people are so goddamn fussy about details. When I see this person, my skin burns, my heart runs and I can't fucking breathe properly." Bakugo's fingers clenched and unclenched, as if he were trying to crush something.

"Who is it?" Ashido grinned.

Bakugo blinked, startled. Kaminari hadn't asked that question. Although, now that he thought of it, it was a pretty reasonable thing to ask. Still pretty fucking nosy though. "None of your business."

"Oh, come on!" Advisory whined. "I want to know who it is or I won't help!"

"I'm not fucking telling!"

"Tell me!"

"No!"

"Do it!"

"I'm not telling, now just _please_ help me!" Bakugo begged. Ashido stared. Bakugo didn't _beg_. He made others beg for their lives. He must have been really freaking desperate. Her heart melted a little.

"Ok, you don't have to tell me who it is. I'm sorry I pestered you," Ashido apologized.

"You should be," Bakugo snorted, apparently back to his usual behaviour. Ashido rolled her eyes.

"So basically you feel hot and bothered right?" Bakugo nodded. Ashido smiled. Bakugo was super dense, so of course he wouldn't understand what he was feeling. She was simply better at him at feeling. She basked in the feeling of superiority. It wasn't everyday that one bested Katsuki Bakugo.

"Bakugo, it's clear that your issue is your hormones. You're a teenaged boy, so it makes sense! Don't worry!" Ashido reassured sweetly.

"Hormones? What do you mean?" Bakugo asked. Ashido inwardly cooed. Bakugo was surprisingly innocent. Too bad she had to corrupt him.

"You're horny. You want to get into this person's pants. You want to do things to their body that are so indecent that it would be scandalous to say them in public. You, my boy," she drawled with relish, pointing a pink finger at his nose, "Want steamy, wonderful sex!"

Bakugo stared at her for ten seconds, which turned into twenty, which turned into a minute. Ashido opened her mouth to inquire about what was wrong, but Bakugo finally broke the silence: "This was a mistake." He turned and walked out of the kitchen. Ashido shrugged.

"Some people are so sensitive."

* * *

Bakugo collapsed onto his bed, thoroughly exhausted by the horrible conversation he had just had. What the actual _fuck_ had he been thinking, asking Ashido for genuine advice? The crazy bitch was almost as stupid as Kaminari.

Running a hand through his spiky ash-blonde hair, Bakugo let out a long, frustrated groan. His so-called "friends" were completely useless. The feeling hadn't gone away at all. In fact, it seemed to grow stronger with each passing day, gripping him almost every time he saw Kirishima. This couldn't go on. Dread settled in Bakugo's heart, but he knew that he had officially run out of options. It was time to ask Kirishima for help.

Cornering Kirishima was easy. The next day after school, Bakugo found himself in Kirishima's room helping him with his homework. Instead of Bakugo sitting against the headboard while Kirishima sprawled on his stomach, the latter decided to sit next to Bakugo. He was chatting away as usual. Bakugo felt too anxious to talk.

"Hey man, you ok? You've been pretty silent today. Well, you don't usually talk all that much but you at least call me a stupid fuck at least three times. Anything wrong?" Kirishima asked in a mellow tone. Bakugo internally took a deep breath. Now was the time.

"Lately, I've been feeling kind of… weird," Bakugo admittedly tensely. Kirishima couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, I've noticed man. Wanna talk about it?"

"That's what I'm trying to do, fucker. You're good with feelings and shit, right? You can help me!" Bakugo demanded. Desperation had wormed its way into his voice.

"Ok, I'm totally ready to help. Just tell me what the problem is," Kirishima soothed. For such a boisterous guy, he was really quite good at calming others down, reflected Bakugo. He prepared himself to explain his problem for the third time.

"Whenever I see a certain fucker, I get really hot all over, I can't breathe right and my heart beats uncontrollably fast. I've tried asking Kaminari and Ashido about it, but they gave me dumb answers. Do you know what's wrong with me?"

Kirishima blinked. He began to chuckle lightly. "What's so funny," deadpanned Bakugo. Kirishima began to laugh harder, further flustering Bakugo. "What?"

"I-it's just that you're so adorable!" he wheezed. "Bakugo, you have a crush!"

"A what?"

"A crush! You like someone romantically!" Kirishima laughed again, but fear began to pool in his stomach. Heartbreak was sure to be on the horizon.

"Who's my crush?" Bakugo asked Kirishima very seriously.

"How should I know? I think you should know that, actually!"

"Well, I'm not used to this weird fucking nonsense!"

"Well, who do you feel that feeling around?"

Bakugo paused. He didn't want to freak Kirishima out by revealing that it was him. "A guy I know."

"Woah, I didn't know you were gay!" Kirishima marveled. This was fantastic news!

"Don't fucking insult me."

"Insult you? There's nothing wrong with being gay."

"It means being a pussy, right? Well, I'm not gay."

Kirishima gawked at him. Bakugo wasn't being homophobic, he just genuinely didn't know what being gay meant. "Dude, being gay means you like other guys. It has nothing to do with your personality."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Who even told you that?"

"I don't know, I just saw it in books and movies and that type of shit," grumbled Bakugo. A question crossed his mind. "Are you gay?"

"What?"

"Are you gay?" repeated Bakugo.

Kirishima smiled a bit. "Uh, yeah. I am, actually."

Bakugo nodded as if something had been made clear to him. "So that means we like each other."

"What? No!"

"You just said we're both gay!"

"Ok fine, but that doesn't automatically mean we like each other! Mineta likes girls and Yaoyorozu likes guys. Does that mean they like each other?" Kirishima asked.

"Fuck no."

"Exactly!"

Bakugo was feeling more confused than ever. "But I like you! Am I not supposed to?"

A pause. "What?" breathed Kirishima uncertainly. He couldn't believe his ears.

"I like you. In the crush way, I mean. Is that wrong?" Bakugo asked defiantly.

"No, it's not wrong at all! I like you too!" gushed Kirishima.

"But you just said we didn't!" growled Bakugo. Kirishima laughed and pulled him closer until their noses touched.

"I don't think that matters too much."

"Get your fucking facts straight."

"Being straight isn't really my thing." The two rested nose to nose, silent.

"What do we do now?" mumbled Bakugo, mind hazed by the sensation of being held by Kirishima. Kirishima didn't answer, and instead pressed his lips against Bakugo's. They were rough and addicting. Bakugo responded passionately. The feeling came again, but this time was a welcome guest, elevating their union into a euphoric explosion. The pair parted for air, and Bakugo could see the feeling reflected in Kirishima's eyes. They were feeling together now.

The rest of the night was a sensual blur of warmth and tender touches.

* * *

Bakugo awoke in a bed that wasn't his. He blinked a couple of times, disoriented, before becoming aware of his surroundings. He was in Kirishima's room, and Kirishima was right next to him, sleeping peacefully.

In the pale, drowsy hours before the world started to move, Bakugo allowed himself to gaze at Kirishima and feel content. He briefly acknowledged that the feeling had completely and utterly defeated him. He silently lamented his loss. His thoughts were interrupted by his red-headed boyfriend, who made a small noise in his sleep, and snuggled closer to Bakugo. Bakugo smiled softly.

He could suffer a few loses now and then.

* * *

 **A.N: instead of working on Ten Hours (my Todomomo fic) i worked on this fluffy mess. oh well no regrets. hope you enjoyed! review your thoughts!**


End file.
